First and foremost, I would like to send a special shout out to my blog-stalkers. While you don't really leave comments, I appreciate that you check out my random thoughts. Now that I know I have somewhat of an audience, I'll be back on my sh*t more often.
For this post, I would like to take a little break from the norm. I do a lot of writing about relationships and how I'm feeling some kinda way about all the changes that are taking place in my life. But, since its on my mind, I wanna take some time to speak on a topic I'm sure everyone knows very well: Lame Ass Parties!!!
Let me paint the picture for you: Its a Friday night. I made plans to hang out with S and K for the evening. It started with a little sippy sippy at the spot. Then we all piled in the car and went to a hockey game. Now... before you get all "WTF, Toni goes to hockey games??", let me rationalize it by saying that there were dollar beers and dollar hotdogs. Four beers and two dogs later, I'm feelin quite right. Our team didn't win, but I could care less either way. By the beginning of the third period, we've all decided that we're gonna get more drinks, and hang back at S and K's house. Our good friend N decides she's gonna come over too, and she's planning to bring friends. So far, it sounds like its gonna be a blast.
So, we get drinks, N comes over with two friends, and we're all chillin in the living room, making OK conversation and listening to music. Little did I know, its all downhill from there. I don't have too much issue with folks smokin (weed) around me, so the three of them (N and her friends) light up. Unlike prior experiences, they don't start crackin jokes and being fun. Instead, they all sit around the table, being really quiet and lame. S, K, and I are sippin our stuff and lookin at each other like "Why did they even come over here?" Don't get me wrong. I was really looking forward to in N coming over. I hadn't seen her in a while. But this was just ridiculous. To no surprise, the three of them left soon after. The leftover party just kept talking about how awkward that was and proceeded with the night.
Ok, ok, I know you have all been to a lame party. Either some people weren't drinking enough or the music wasn't loud enough. Whatever the case may be, the whole situation makes everyone in the room feel weird. What can you possibly do when no one's talking but there really isn't anything to say? For it to be a Friday night, I would assume that things would be joyous and upbeat, but that was just too wack for my taste.
Either way, I must say K and S are my saving grace. I had a blast at the hockey game. Also, pre- and post- the others dropping by, the conversation was light and fun. I suppose, for the next time, I'll be a little more considerate as to what I'm getting into.
As a final note, I would like to mention that I take topic requests. I do have a lot of opinions, and this seems like the best place to voice them. So, speak up. Pick my brain. And let's have some damn fun here, people!!!
Jan 23, 2010
Jan 21, 2010
Time to Catch Up
It was brought to my attention that I haven't posted in almost two weeks. Utterly unacceptable. My apologies, and I will try to not let it happen again :-)
I feel bad that I haven't posted in so long because I have recently returned from a monumental trip. Over the past weekend, I spent five days getting to know the city of Columbus, OH as well as getting acquainted with the new place I share with my soon-to-be husband. What an experience it was.
Besides the obvious furniture and electronics shopping, we did a lot of eating, sleeping, and drinking. These are all normal bonding experiences shared by people in various stages of the relationship lifespan. But what I've come to realize is that there are milestones, realms of consciousness that surface when you are further along in a relationship than when things are just starting out. I have different priorities and goals now that I am embarking on marriage. In the early stages of dating my fiancée, I was focused on partying constantly, getting to know the menial details of each other's life just to say "I know you". Now, it seems that I dwell on details in behavior, using them to deduce what lies ahead of me.
To some, I might be over thinking the situation. But to others, I might just be thorough. To each, I say challenge yourself. Take some time and look at your relationship. Consciously consider what things your mate does that make you hopeful for the future and what makes you a little uneasy. Depending on where you are in your relationship, the lists may be equally long. But DON'T DESPAIR! While I'm no licensed psychologist, I can say from experience that is it the Hopeful list that will have more bearing on your future (if you really want to be with that person, that is...).
As W-Day draws near, I feel myself becoming more mature day by day. I've been thinking about cutting my hair into a more adult style, changing my wardrobe to reflect a more professional me, and even trying out new make-up to control the perception people will have of me. In a little over six weeks (OH MY GOD!!) I will no longer be just a college student or just a graduate assistant. I will be a wife. And I'm still working on what exactly that means to me. Contrary to some advice that I've been getting, I expect that marriage will change me. It will change my outlook, my expectations, my responsibilities. *sigh* Yea, all of that.
This past weekend was only a glimpse of what I will have to look forward to (and put up with, lol) for the rest of my life. And, honestly, I'm ok with that.
I feel bad that I haven't posted in so long because I have recently returned from a monumental trip. Over the past weekend, I spent five days getting to know the city of Columbus, OH as well as getting acquainted with the new place I share with my soon-to-be husband. What an experience it was.
Besides the obvious furniture and electronics shopping, we did a lot of eating, sleeping, and drinking. These are all normal bonding experiences shared by people in various stages of the relationship lifespan. But what I've come to realize is that there are milestones, realms of consciousness that surface when you are further along in a relationship than when things are just starting out. I have different priorities and goals now that I am embarking on marriage. In the early stages of dating my fiancée, I was focused on partying constantly, getting to know the menial details of each other's life just to say "I know you". Now, it seems that I dwell on details in behavior, using them to deduce what lies ahead of me.
To some, I might be over thinking the situation. But to others, I might just be thorough. To each, I say challenge yourself. Take some time and look at your relationship. Consciously consider what things your mate does that make you hopeful for the future and what makes you a little uneasy. Depending on where you are in your relationship, the lists may be equally long. But DON'T DESPAIR! While I'm no licensed psychologist, I can say from experience that is it the Hopeful list that will have more bearing on your future (if you really want to be with that person, that is...).
As W-Day draws near, I feel myself becoming more mature day by day. I've been thinking about cutting my hair into a more adult style, changing my wardrobe to reflect a more professional me, and even trying out new make-up to control the perception people will have of me. In a little over six weeks (OH MY GOD!!) I will no longer be just a college student or just a graduate assistant. I will be a wife. And I'm still working on what exactly that means to me. Contrary to some advice that I've been getting, I expect that marriage will change me. It will change my outlook, my expectations, my responsibilities. *sigh* Yea, all of that.
This past weekend was only a glimpse of what I will have to look forward to (and put up with, lol) for the rest of my life. And, honestly, I'm ok with that.
Jan 8, 2010
Bittersweet Transitions
My holiday break is coming to a screeching halt. Like a dumbass, I checked my email today and saw that I was behind on a few key projects (from work, school, and extracurricular activities). Nevertheless, I am still inclined to save all important work for Monday. Inside, I'm still trying to understand why I reserve my free time for selfish, self fulfilling tasks (like reading popular fiction and sleeping) when I could be getting some meaningful work done. The only excuse I can come up with is that I am a trained procrastinator.
Procrastination is not exclusively a trait of full-time college students. I believe that it applies to anyone who doesn't mind playing hard first and working hard second. Of course, all the work will eventually get done, and it will be high quality. Yet, when it comes to actually hunkering down and getting sh*t done, the 9th inning is the most active. My computer will be on 24/7, my current novel (Breakdown Lane) will begin to collect dust, and I will iron all my khakis in anticipation for the work week. For now, while I still have three full days of freedom, I will do what I want.
It does say a lot about the typical full-time student, though. Here's a portrait of my life right now: I live in my car. The floors are littered with forgotten laundry, Aunt Annie's lemonade cups, and last semester's binders. My room is perpetually messy; when I pick up one piece of clothing, ten appear in its place. I eat poorly; today's only meal consisted of a slice of wheat toast with Nutella and a mug of orange spice decaff tea. I spent last night at a beer bar with my roommate, enjoying folk music and drinking Lil' Froot. I've breezed through three novels since returning from home, and the highlight of the week has been my daily showers (always therapeutic). All this is to say that, if the semester has not started, I have not started. Apparently contrary to my last posts, I am still not back into full grin-mode and likely will not be until Monday.
Forgiving the self-depreciation, I am happy with the way the rest of my holiday break is winding down. My to-do list for the beginning of the semester is long and complex, but still doable. I am in the process of re-connecting with the friends I've neglected over the last few weeks as well. While on the outside I am padding around my apartment with a book in one hand and a water bottle in the other, my mind is racing a mile a minute, thinking about all that this semester will bring (planning a conference, getting married, graduating, moving out of Grand Rapids, etc.). In a nutshell, I am preparing myself for the biggest (and most bittersweet) transition of my life.
I have been a student for the last 18 years. While my accomplishments have been grand and personally fulfilling, I feel I am beginning to burn myself out. I am quietly nurturing an envy for those privileged few who take the time to "find themselves" after college, backpacking across foreign lands or just taking some "time off". This is not to say that I don't look forward to all that graduated life has to offer, but it does mean that I would like some time to slow it all down, focus on understanding myself more, and bs'ing like I have for the last three weeks.
This semester's mantra: Change is good.
Procrastination is not exclusively a trait of full-time college students. I believe that it applies to anyone who doesn't mind playing hard first and working hard second. Of course, all the work will eventually get done, and it will be high quality. Yet, when it comes to actually hunkering down and getting sh*t done, the 9th inning is the most active. My computer will be on 24/7, my current novel (Breakdown Lane) will begin to collect dust, and I will iron all my khakis in anticipation for the work week. For now, while I still have three full days of freedom, I will do what I want.
It does say a lot about the typical full-time student, though. Here's a portrait of my life right now: I live in my car. The floors are littered with forgotten laundry, Aunt Annie's lemonade cups, and last semester's binders. My room is perpetually messy; when I pick up one piece of clothing, ten appear in its place. I eat poorly; today's only meal consisted of a slice of wheat toast with Nutella and a mug of orange spice decaff tea. I spent last night at a beer bar with my roommate, enjoying folk music and drinking Lil' Froot. I've breezed through three novels since returning from home, and the highlight of the week has been my daily showers (always therapeutic). All this is to say that, if the semester has not started, I have not started. Apparently contrary to my last posts, I am still not back into full grin-mode and likely will not be until Monday.
Forgiving the self-depreciation, I am happy with the way the rest of my holiday break is winding down. My to-do list for the beginning of the semester is long and complex, but still doable. I am in the process of re-connecting with the friends I've neglected over the last few weeks as well. While on the outside I am padding around my apartment with a book in one hand and a water bottle in the other, my mind is racing a mile a minute, thinking about all that this semester will bring (planning a conference, getting married, graduating, moving out of Grand Rapids, etc.). In a nutshell, I am preparing myself for the biggest (and most bittersweet) transition of my life.
I have been a student for the last 18 years. While my accomplishments have been grand and personally fulfilling, I feel I am beginning to burn myself out. I am quietly nurturing an envy for those privileged few who take the time to "find themselves" after college, backpacking across foreign lands or just taking some "time off". This is not to say that I don't look forward to all that graduated life has to offer, but it does mean that I would like some time to slow it all down, focus on understanding myself more, and bs'ing like I have for the last three weeks.
This semester's mantra: Change is good.
Jan 4, 2010
Back on the Grind
Its the Monday before I have to head back to university, Grand Valley State University, to be exact. When I head back there on Tuesday night, I will be halfway back into my grind-mode mindset. Any college kid can attest to the fact that you have to get mentally prepared to re-enter the classroom after being away for three weeks. Its not as harsh as the three months of summer we endure after a full school year; its more like a watered down version.
The first step starts at home. Like most students, I (purposefully) haven't checked my email since the last day of finals. So, today I spent about two hours returning messages, apologizing about the loooooong delay. Most replies required looking at old paperwork and sifting through ancient emails. For some, I simply said "I don't recall what you mean. Can you remind me?" I do feel a bit bad about those. But, after it was all said and done, I had caught up enough to make it to the next step of getting back into grind-mode.
After updating all necessary correspondence, it is important to make an inventory of everything that needs to be done before the first day of classes. For me, I have a work function on Wednesday, I need to contact a nonprofit in Grand Rapids about a future school project, and I need to touch base with a professor about a paper I'm getting published. The list goes on and on. All these important tasks will make their way onto a list in order of importance. But don't get it confused: my vacation does not end until my work function on Wednesday so NOTHING will get done before then.
The last, and most depressing, step of the transition to grind-mode is actually getting ready to head back to my apartment in GR. That will include washing all the clothes I wore this week, packing everything neatly in the car, and making the 2 hour drive (alone, without a working radio). I am looking forward to this series of events the least. Visiting my friends and family back home is in the top 5 of My Favorite Things to Do, and leaving them all is wayyyyyy at the bottom. Suffice it to say that I will be dragging my feet to leave. But that will all be over once I turn the key to my apartment, put all my clean laundry back on hangers, and power up my laptop. At that point, I will officially be a student again.
I've been in college for about 5.5 years now, have obtained one degree already, and I'm working on my second now. Because of these things, I would call myself somewhat of an expert. I've been through my share of 15 credit semesters, final's week cram sessions, and overpriced coffee (that I've been programmed to think is good). Don't get me wrong: I love college. Short of actually having to go to class, I would stay there forever. But nothing beats the opportunity to eat something I didn't have to cook or pay for. In most cases, that only happens when I go home. The short lived visits (on average, about 3 days) are truly mini-vacations. There have even been instances when I leave my entire backpack in GR just to completely appreciate all that home has to offer.
When classes start again next Monday, this entire visit will feel like a dream. I'll be heading back to GR with some new diggs from Christmas and an extra couple pounds from Grandma's holiday cooking. These will be the only things I will have to remind me of the amazing holiday season I had this year.
Alas, there is nothing to despair about it all. The crucial series of events that will soon make me an Ohio resident is already in motion. The next four months will likely be a blur of computer screens and lectures. And I will trudge through them like I have the last 15 semesters at GVSU. And when its all over, and I drive away from Grand Rapids for the last time, I will surely remember all that college revealed to me.
The Toni that entered college in 2004 now exists only in photos. The Toni that will graduate in May 2010 will be a better, stronger, and happier woman.
The first step starts at home. Like most students, I (purposefully) haven't checked my email since the last day of finals. So, today I spent about two hours returning messages, apologizing about the loooooong delay. Most replies required looking at old paperwork and sifting through ancient emails. For some, I simply said "I don't recall what you mean. Can you remind me?" I do feel a bit bad about those. But, after it was all said and done, I had caught up enough to make it to the next step of getting back into grind-mode.
After updating all necessary correspondence, it is important to make an inventory of everything that needs to be done before the first day of classes. For me, I have a work function on Wednesday, I need to contact a nonprofit in Grand Rapids about a future school project, and I need to touch base with a professor about a paper I'm getting published. The list goes on and on. All these important tasks will make their way onto a list in order of importance. But don't get it confused: my vacation does not end until my work function on Wednesday so NOTHING will get done before then.
The last, and most depressing, step of the transition to grind-mode is actually getting ready to head back to my apartment in GR. That will include washing all the clothes I wore this week, packing everything neatly in the car, and making the 2 hour drive (alone, without a working radio). I am looking forward to this series of events the least. Visiting my friends and family back home is in the top 5 of My Favorite Things to Do, and leaving them all is wayyyyyy at the bottom. Suffice it to say that I will be dragging my feet to leave. But that will all be over once I turn the key to my apartment, put all my clean laundry back on hangers, and power up my laptop. At that point, I will officially be a student again.
I've been in college for about 5.5 years now, have obtained one degree already, and I'm working on my second now. Because of these things, I would call myself somewhat of an expert. I've been through my share of 15 credit semesters, final's week cram sessions, and overpriced coffee (that I've been programmed to think is good). Don't get me wrong: I love college. Short of actually having to go to class, I would stay there forever. But nothing beats the opportunity to eat something I didn't have to cook or pay for. In most cases, that only happens when I go home. The short lived visits (on average, about 3 days) are truly mini-vacations. There have even been instances when I leave my entire backpack in GR just to completely appreciate all that home has to offer.
When classes start again next Monday, this entire visit will feel like a dream. I'll be heading back to GR with some new diggs from Christmas and an extra couple pounds from Grandma's holiday cooking. These will be the only things I will have to remind me of the amazing holiday season I had this year.
Alas, there is nothing to despair about it all. The crucial series of events that will soon make me an Ohio resident is already in motion. The next four months will likely be a blur of computer screens and lectures. And I will trudge through them like I have the last 15 semesters at GVSU. And when its all over, and I drive away from Grand Rapids for the last time, I will surely remember all that college revealed to me.
The Toni that entered college in 2004 now exists only in photos. The Toni that will graduate in May 2010 will be a better, stronger, and happier woman.
Jan 2, 2010
Happy New Year
Starting (or rather, re-starting) a blog on New Year's day is probably not the most original idea anyone has had lately. But it makes sense to start something fresh. Besides, paper journals aren't working so well for me anymore.
The new year marks a time when we can look back on the last 365 days and count our blessings as well as our f-ups. We have the opportunity to examine what went well and what was wholly sour. And for some odd reason, we feel the need to sum up all that happened in those 12 months in one word. For Miss Toni Jones, 2009 was "fabulous".
**Que swirly screen indicating flashback mode**
January: I work at a job I don't much care for. I am a graduate student at a medium sized university in a mid-western town, just beginning the second semester of my first year. I am also the girlfriend of a great guy who is just beginning a 6 month internship in a different mid-western town, a 6 hour drive away. And live in an overpriced apartment with three other girls who are pretty cool. The list of pros and cons there is about even, so I am teetering between shooting up or falling drastically down.
April: The full school year is winding down and now I have summer classes to look forward to. Things with Boyfriend are going well. Valentine's Day was especially fruitful :-) We've been having the engagement conversation a lot more. Although we've only been together about a year and a half, the circumstances make conversations like that completely appropriate. By this time, I am gossiping to my friends about how he and I had been ring shopping and I am practically pissing myself, waiting for him to pop the question.
July: Summer classes are going as well as can be expected. Nothing to get too excited about. I did get a car though. Good ol' faithful Ford Taurus to shuffle myself around in. My birthday, back in June, was a good time. There's really nothing wrong with turning 23. I have been working at a major retail bookstore for a couple months now, as well. The pay is awful but the discount is amazing. The people are pretty cool too. The major thing to get excited about: Boyfriend is back from his internship and... HE POPPED THE QUESTION! Yes, "Boyfriend" is now "Fiance" and I couldn't be more elated. The reviews are mostly positive and there is an immense amount of bling flashing going on. All to the good. To celebrate the engagement, we spend the 4th of July holiday in Chicago and have a blast.
September: The summer is just about over. My classes went well and I found out I got a new graduate assistant job working at my school. It is actually the one I wanted from last year, so I'm pumped to have it. I also got into a fantastic apartment with two great girls with lower rent in a better part of the downtown area. Fiance and I are going through the average amount of talk-uments a couple goes through when in a long distance relationship. Although he is only 1 hour away instead of 6, the distance is still unbearable. So we bicker. Ah well :-) The date of the wedding has changed about 50 times now, and I'm getting buried under my wedding planning books (plural).
December: Fast-forward though all the drama of the last few months. Here are the major bullet points: Fiance got the great-paying job he wanted at the internship he did earlier this year, he'll be moving back to the city in early January; we've found our dream first apartment (which is actually a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhome) and got a great deal on it; we've moved some things around for the wedding to accommodate an earlier date; and I'm now focused on getting the rest of this last semester done so I can relax for a while. Graduation day, May 1, 2010, will be a great day for me.
**Que swirly screen indicating a return from the flashback**
So, that was 2009. Great procession, right? Full of drama and excitement.
At a more magnified level, 2009 did have its unpleasant parts. Issues with friends, family, and most of all, Fiance, put a damper on some sunny days. But I tuckered through it, like most people did in 2009. What I do hope though, is that 2010 will be obviously distinguishable from 2009. As the years of my life add up, I want to be able to appreciate monumental differences each one brings. I want to make sure I have plans and expectations for what the new year will be. If you truly consider it, calling them "new year's resolutions" is the most appropriate title, but really think about the phrase, minus the cliche and negative connotation. This year, I took the time to decide what I want to change in my life, beginning in 2010, as well as what goals I plan to accomplish before I see another ball drop. When I flip the calendar from month to month in 2010, I see nothing but opportunity laid out for me, and I plan to embrace it will purpose.
2010 will not be just another year.
The new year marks a time when we can look back on the last 365 days and count our blessings as well as our f-ups. We have the opportunity to examine what went well and what was wholly sour. And for some odd reason, we feel the need to sum up all that happened in those 12 months in one word. For Miss Toni Jones, 2009 was "fabulous".
**Que swirly screen indicating flashback mode**
January: I work at a job I don't much care for. I am a graduate student at a medium sized university in a mid-western town, just beginning the second semester of my first year. I am also the girlfriend of a great guy who is just beginning a 6 month internship in a different mid-western town, a 6 hour drive away. And live in an overpriced apartment with three other girls who are pretty cool. The list of pros and cons there is about even, so I am teetering between shooting up or falling drastically down.
April: The full school year is winding down and now I have summer classes to look forward to. Things with Boyfriend are going well. Valentine's Day was especially fruitful :-) We've been having the engagement conversation a lot more. Although we've only been together about a year and a half, the circumstances make conversations like that completely appropriate. By this time, I am gossiping to my friends about how he and I had been ring shopping and I am practically pissing myself, waiting for him to pop the question.
July: Summer classes are going as well as can be expected. Nothing to get too excited about. I did get a car though. Good ol' faithful Ford Taurus to shuffle myself around in. My birthday, back in June, was a good time. There's really nothing wrong with turning 23. I have been working at a major retail bookstore for a couple months now, as well. The pay is awful but the discount is amazing. The people are pretty cool too. The major thing to get excited about: Boyfriend is back from his internship and... HE POPPED THE QUESTION! Yes, "Boyfriend" is now "Fiance" and I couldn't be more elated. The reviews are mostly positive and there is an immense amount of bling flashing going on. All to the good. To celebrate the engagement, we spend the 4th of July holiday in Chicago and have a blast.
September: The summer is just about over. My classes went well and I found out I got a new graduate assistant job working at my school. It is actually the one I wanted from last year, so I'm pumped to have it. I also got into a fantastic apartment with two great girls with lower rent in a better part of the downtown area. Fiance and I are going through the average amount of talk-uments a couple goes through when in a long distance relationship. Although he is only 1 hour away instead of 6, the distance is still unbearable. So we bicker. Ah well :-) The date of the wedding has changed about 50 times now, and I'm getting buried under my wedding planning books (plural).
December: Fast-forward though all the drama of the last few months. Here are the major bullet points: Fiance got the great-paying job he wanted at the internship he did earlier this year, he'll be moving back to the city in early January; we've found our dream first apartment (which is actually a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhome) and got a great deal on it; we've moved some things around for the wedding to accommodate an earlier date; and I'm now focused on getting the rest of this last semester done so I can relax for a while. Graduation day, May 1, 2010, will be a great day for me.
**Que swirly screen indicating a return from the flashback**
So, that was 2009. Great procession, right? Full of drama and excitement.
At a more magnified level, 2009 did have its unpleasant parts. Issues with friends, family, and most of all, Fiance, put a damper on some sunny days. But I tuckered through it, like most people did in 2009. What I do hope though, is that 2010 will be obviously distinguishable from 2009. As the years of my life add up, I want to be able to appreciate monumental differences each one brings. I want to make sure I have plans and expectations for what the new year will be. If you truly consider it, calling them "new year's resolutions" is the most appropriate title, but really think about the phrase, minus the cliche and negative connotation. This year, I took the time to decide what I want to change in my life, beginning in 2010, as well as what goals I plan to accomplish before I see another ball drop. When I flip the calendar from month to month in 2010, I see nothing but opportunity laid out for me, and I plan to embrace it will purpose.
2010 will not be just another year.
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