Life constantly throws challenges at us. How do we deal with a difficulties in our relationships? Deaths in the family? Moving away from those who have cared for us for so long? True, there is no manual on life. We all have to come to grips with the changes we face in our own way.
Within the last two weeks, I have faced my own challenges and have tried to be a friend to those facing their own. In my life, I have graduated from grad school, entertained 50 of my closest friends and family at a wedding reception, and moved to a new city in a new state. Outside of my life, my core family is adjusting to me being away, two of my friends are confronting major decisions with their relationships, and another is battling with a major snafoo at her college. When so much can change so soon, how do we keep moving? I don't have all the answers, but I do have some suggestions:
1. Keep Busy. The worst thing you can do is nothing, because then all you think about is how you could have changed things, or how daunting the whole situation is. Find a hobby. And I don't mean video games or books. Get active, join something, start something, be social. Get out of the house and experience life as it happens around you. By getting some fresh air, you might also get a fresh perspective.
2. Talk it out. However works best for you, get your feelings out. This could take the form of blogging, talking to a close friend, or just standing in the mirror and putting all of your feelings into words. By getting the emotions out, you'll be able to verbalize the issue and see a solution even easier.
3. Love yourself. Finally, don't forget about you. Be a little selfish sometimes. When we're trying to get over a major change that has happened in our lives, we can become self-pitying and lose sight of all that we did and loved before that thing happened. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself, go ride your bike or invite some friends over. Ice cream always helps me (in moderation). Remember all the things you used to do before and do them. All of them. Love you and grow as a person. You are you, not the thing that happened to you. Realizing that is one of the best ways to get past a catastrophe.
This is no where near an exhaustive list, but hopefully this can help you. This post is dedicated to all of the friends and friends of friends who have been going through it in the last few weeks. Keep your head up, go do something, verbalize what you're feeling, and love yourself. Peace.
May 10, 2010
Mar 22, 2010
Why is the term 'negro' on the 2010 Census?
Since the census went out, I have heard this question so many times. I have seen it in newspaper articles and on the lips of close friends and relatives. So I did some digging and found this question answered on the Census Question and Answer page:
Question: Why is the term "Negro" used in the race question?
Answer: A test embedded in the 2010 Census will measure the effect of removing the term "Negro" on reports about a person’s racial identity. The results will be used to inform design changes for future surveys and the 2020 Census. In the 2000 Census, more than 50,000 persons chose to write down explicitly that they identified themselves as “Negro.”
ADDITIONAL BACKGROUND:
The Census Bureau included the term “Negro” because testing prior to Census 2000 indicated that numbers of respondents self-identified with this term. Census 2000 data showed that 56,175 respondents wrote in the term "Negro" in response to the question on race, even though the term was included in the category label for a checkbox. This does not include the unknown numbers of respondents who may have checked the box “Black, African Am., or Negro” because of the presence of the “Negro” identifier.
Research in the 2000s did not include studies of the effect of dropping “Negro” from the list “Black, African Am., or Negro” on responses. Such research is important to avoid unanticipated consequences of changing question wording on the outcome of a census. As stated above, this research will be conducted as part of the 2010 decennial census.
So, to break that down further, over 50,000 people WROTE IN the term 'negro' on their census in 2000. That's not to say that it was a good idea to put it on the 2010 form, but that is a strong identification that the term meant something to the people that wrote it in 10 years ago. I put up this note because there are too many people blinded by pride who are choosing not to fill out the form because they feel the term 'negro' is too reminiscent of slavery. Personally, I agree and do not identify as negro. I identify as African American, and there was a check-box on my form that said that (along with other things). I am filling out my census on behalf of my community, and area that I deeply care about and want to see properly supported. As a member of a democracy, I have sent emails to my elected officials and hope not to see the word 'negro' on a census form again. But this slip up will not prevent me from doing my part to help my community.
Question: Why is the term "Negro" used in the race question?
Answer: A test embedded in the 2010 Census will measure the effect of removing the term "Negro" on reports about a person’s racial identity. The results will be used to inform design changes for future surveys and the 2020 Census. In the 2000 Census, more than 50,000 persons chose to write down explicitly that they identified themselves as “Negro.”
ADDITIONAL BACKGROUND:
The Census Bureau included the term “Negro” because testing prior to Census 2000 indicated that numbers of respondents self-identified with this term. Census 2000 data showed that 56,175 respondents wrote in the term "Negro" in response to the question on race, even though the term was included in the category label for a checkbox. This does not include the unknown numbers of respondents who may have checked the box “Black, African Am., or Negro” because of the presence of the “Negro” identifier.
Research in the 2000s did not include studies of the effect of dropping “Negro” from the list “Black, African Am., or Negro” on responses. Such research is important to avoid unanticipated consequences of changing question wording on the outcome of a census. As stated above, this research will be conducted as part of the 2010 decennial census.
So, to break that down further, over 50,000 people WROTE IN the term 'negro' on their census in 2000. That's not to say that it was a good idea to put it on the 2010 form, but that is a strong identification that the term meant something to the people that wrote it in 10 years ago. I put up this note because there are too many people blinded by pride who are choosing not to fill out the form because they feel the term 'negro' is too reminiscent of slavery. Personally, I agree and do not identify as negro. I identify as African American, and there was a check-box on my form that said that (along with other things). I am filling out my census on behalf of my community, and area that I deeply care about and want to see properly supported. As a member of a democracy, I have sent emails to my elected officials and hope not to see the word 'negro' on a census form again. But this slip up will not prevent me from doing my part to help my community.
Mar 1, 2010
Proper Concert Etiquette
So, I attended a John Mayer concert (featuring Michael Franti) at Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids last night. It was was a sort of ladies night for me, my friend Tori, and her sister Chrissi. Overall, I had a wonderful time. But for the life of me, I can't understand how some people still don't understand what the proper etiquette is for a concert. And, contrary to popular belief, there is an etiquette for concerts. That's why I'm here! Let me school you right quick:
Rule #1: Concerts are made for standing.
I don't know about any of you, but when I'm at home and I'm feeling a song, I get up and dance. I also dance at nightclubs, bathrooms, and kareoke bars. So, if I happen to be seeing one of my favorite artists in concert (Robin Thicke, Maxwell, Johnny Boy, etc.), why would you expect me to sit in my seat? I paid very good money for these tickets, so I will enjoy myself for every dollar I spent. And if that means that I'm standing up, you better not bitch if you're sitting behind me. Let me give you a prime example: I was at the Maxwell concert in Detroit not long ago and was having a good old time. But I heard a very old woman say "This is a grown and sexy concert; we all gon' be sitting down." Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Them tickets was more than a good pair of shoes. I'll be damned if I don't enjoy myself. You better get ur old ass up, or out.
Rule #2: It typically gets very hot at concerts.
If you've ever been to a concert, I'm sure you know how hot it gets. And, if you haven't, let me give you a mental picture: imagine about 600-1000 people standing in very close proximity to each other for about 3 hours. Most likely everyone's mouth is open and they're screaming the whole time. Besides the hot breath, there are no windows and the A/C looses its kick right around the 30 minute mark. Given this scenario, why would you wear a long sleeved collared shirt and a North Face fleece and expect not to be on fire? And, my dears, if you are stupid enough to do something like this, please don't lean over to me every 3.5 minutes and remark about the temperature of the room. You've been warned; if you cry to me about this, I will let you know about yourself.
Rule #3: Use caution when speaking to strangers
For whatever reason, alcohol + large public gatherings encourages people to make new friends with whoever might (unfortunately) be seated to the direct left or right of them. Beware of this. While I am not excusing the people who do this, I do want you to be prepared. You might encounter Tim, who happens to be there with a girl, but they're just friends, and now he wants to be your best friend. Tim will tell you his life story as soon as his not-quite-a-date date goes to the bathroom. He'll tell you how far he traveled for the concert, where he plans to take his not-quite-a-date date when they leave the concert, and what hotel they booked for the night. Just humor him with a couple quick nods and smiles. Also, look out for Kara. While she seems nice enough, Kara has had way too much to drink, and she will also become your best friend before the opening act packs up. By friend, I mean hanging all over you, shouting the lyrics in your ear, and inviting herself into the group photos you take with your real friends. Kara might need a little more nudging to get the hint, but she'll understand when you start leaning into your own friends throughout the rest of the night.
Rule #4: If you want to make out, buy the CD and take ur ass home
This final rule is also the most important. While I like to believe that its just me and him when I'm smoochin with my hunny in public, I know there are other people there, and it makes everyone feel a little less comfortable. If you recall from Rule #1, I spent a lot of $$ for these tickets, and I didn't pay for the impromptu soft-core happening in Row 6. Take it home, people. Or, just to be romantic, contain all the sexual tension for the bathroom stall you'll eventually sneak off to (CLASSY!). But seriously, unless its the end of a the night at a undergraduate basement party, keep it in your pants til you find a private place. That way I won't uncomfortably stare at you with the stink face while I should be focusing on John Mayer and his unusually tiny butt.
So, ladies and gentlemen, I hope these rules will make your next concert experience a little bit better. Please feel free to pass this along to the Tim's and Kara's in your life. They'll need it.
With love,
xoxo
Feb 24, 2010
Some Good Does Come Out of Social Media
Jay Smooth - How to Tell People They Are Racist
Hello world.
As part of the administration at a public university, I get invited to a lot of meetings and events. Today, for example, I got invited to a speaker who talked to us about embracing our uniqueness and unpacking our social baggage. He spoke about understanding what makes us 'us' and recognizing those same unique qualities in others. He was a fabulous speaker by the name of Vernon Wall. Google him.
Anyway, by far the most resonating part of Vernon's presentation was when he introduced me (and about 60 of my colleagues) to a man by the name of Jay Smooth. Jay Smooth is a hip-hop blogger and radio host out of New York. What caught my eye the most is how Jay makes a case for social issue that exist both inside and outside the hip-hop spectrum. He touched on issues like race, homophobia, American tradition, and how important it is to know what you're saying BEFORE you say it.
I urge everyone to check him out. He's got a Youtube page, and for anyone who's like you, you'll be clicking on all his videos for the next hour or so. I also suggest you check out his website Ill Doctrine, where there is a larger and more diverse collection of his videos.
I won't say too much about why I have become his newest fan/groupie. I'll let you figure that out on your own. So, enjoy, my loves.
Hello world.
As part of the administration at a public university, I get invited to a lot of meetings and events. Today, for example, I got invited to a speaker who talked to us about embracing our uniqueness and unpacking our social baggage. He spoke about understanding what makes us 'us' and recognizing those same unique qualities in others. He was a fabulous speaker by the name of Vernon Wall. Google him.
Anyway, by far the most resonating part of Vernon's presentation was when he introduced me (and about 60 of my colleagues) to a man by the name of Jay Smooth. Jay Smooth is a hip-hop blogger and radio host out of New York. What caught my eye the most is how Jay makes a case for social issue that exist both inside and outside the hip-hop spectrum. He touched on issues like race, homophobia, American tradition, and how important it is to know what you're saying BEFORE you say it.
I urge everyone to check him out. He's got a Youtube page, and for anyone who's like you, you'll be clicking on all his videos for the next hour or so. I also suggest you check out his website Ill Doctrine, where there is a larger and more diverse collection of his videos.
I won't say too much about why I have become his newest fan/groupie. I'll let you figure that out on your own. So, enjoy, my loves.
Feb 22, 2010
Love Your Body
As a woman myself, I know that there are things we fret over that never cross the minds of our male counterparts. We think about if the milk has gone bad, if the bed was made, did we take all the vitamins and pills we were supposed to take and what will happen if we haven't. Silly things that really shouldn't occupy so much of our time. But the one thing that I believe all women shamefully obsess over is our bodies.
Being self-conscious is not just a western thing. Women across the world engage in different rituals to make their bodies look a particular way. Although it is less practiced, there is foot binding in some parts of Asia. There is also the practice of neck extension by use of rings in some African and Asian cultures. More contemporary women turn to a myriad of skin products, fad diets, and plastic surgery to get the bodies they have always wanted. But, when its all said and done, no women is ever 100% satisfied with the way they look in a mirror 100% of the time.
If this is the case, and I'm sure most/all women can attest to the fact that it is, then why do we spend so much time being interested in how we look? I can't help but find the source in our romantic/intimate interactions. I can't say that it is men who have "made us this way". For women who are attracted to other women, it seems like it would be even more difficult, trying to make yourself attractive to someone with the same set-up at you. But why are we so obsessed with attracting someone by using false advertising? Better yet, why are we still so obsessed with our bodies even AFTER we have finally snagged someone we claim to love and care about?
Granted, I am speaking from a place of privilege here. I have been blessed to find someone who loves me on my best and worst days. I have someone who has seen my weight fluctuate, my face break out, and my "morning face". Sometimes I do get a bit self-conscious, just for my own sake. But when I really think about it, I remember how silly it all is. I love me for me, every inch, pound, and pimple of me. Because I know that I cannot love anyone else before I love myself.
Those who matter don't judge, and those who judge don't matter.
Being self-conscious is not just a western thing. Women across the world engage in different rituals to make their bodies look a particular way. Although it is less practiced, there is foot binding in some parts of Asia. There is also the practice of neck extension by use of rings in some African and Asian cultures. More contemporary women turn to a myriad of skin products, fad diets, and plastic surgery to get the bodies they have always wanted. But, when its all said and done, no women is ever 100% satisfied with the way they look in a mirror 100% of the time.
If this is the case, and I'm sure most/all women can attest to the fact that it is, then why do we spend so much time being interested in how we look? I can't help but find the source in our romantic/intimate interactions. I can't say that it is men who have "made us this way". For women who are attracted to other women, it seems like it would be even more difficult, trying to make yourself attractive to someone with the same set-up at you. But why are we so obsessed with attracting someone by using false advertising? Better yet, why are we still so obsessed with our bodies even AFTER we have finally snagged someone we claim to love and care about?
Granted, I am speaking from a place of privilege here. I have been blessed to find someone who loves me on my best and worst days. I have someone who has seen my weight fluctuate, my face break out, and my "morning face". Sometimes I do get a bit self-conscious, just for my own sake. But when I really think about it, I remember how silly it all is. I love me for me, every inch, pound, and pimple of me. Because I know that I cannot love anyone else before I love myself.
Those who matter don't judge, and those who judge don't matter.
Feb 19, 2010
A Great Sense of Accomplishment
As a young person, I was always told to have goals. Into my adult life, I still fully support this notion. No matter if they are long term or short term goals, let your daily activities be for a greater cause that you can be proud of. At this exact point in my life, my goal is to have a marvelous wedding, no matter how "non-traditional" it is going to be.
For those who don't know, my fiance and I have made plans to get married in the VERY near future. Because of our time schedules and the fact that we live almost 6 hours away from each other, it makes sense for us to do things the way we are. We've planned an "intimate" ceremony with close family with a dinner to follow. But, regardless of the tiny size, this wedding is coming with all the fix'ns.
First, there's the dress: Without giving too much away, it is quite possibly the prettiest thing I have ever had the opportunity to put on. I feel more comfortable in it than I did in my prom dress. But it is the emotion that surrounded the purchase that impacted me the most. With this being the first purchase toward the wedding (and the fact that I went dress shopping alone, by choice), I was an emotional wreck. I cried in my car for about 20 minutes after I put the dress in my trunk. But, that was the first and largest hurdle I would have to get over in this process.
From here, everything else seemed pretty simple. I've picked out the rings, we've secured the venue, and I sorta have my hair picked out. From here, I still have flowers, shoes, make-up, and pampering. Oy-vey!
In all seriousness, I am in a strange zen-state right now. I have an amazing support system of friends and family behind me. I truly believe that everything that is crucial for this wedding will fall into place in time. I'm getting to a place where I'm not even nervous anymore.
So, one of my short term goals is to have a fabulous wedding and to marry the dude of my dreams (lol). And I'm almost there. Praises!
**This blog is dedicated to all of the people who have been in my corner through mental breakdowns and all-day errand trips: Rori, Danielle, Jerome, Mommy, Crystal, and above all, my sweetie JML.
For those who don't know, my fiance and I have made plans to get married in the VERY near future. Because of our time schedules and the fact that we live almost 6 hours away from each other, it makes sense for us to do things the way we are. We've planned an "intimate" ceremony with close family with a dinner to follow. But, regardless of the tiny size, this wedding is coming with all the fix'ns.
First, there's the dress: Without giving too much away, it is quite possibly the prettiest thing I have ever had the opportunity to put on. I feel more comfortable in it than I did in my prom dress. But it is the emotion that surrounded the purchase that impacted me the most. With this being the first purchase toward the wedding (and the fact that I went dress shopping alone, by choice), I was an emotional wreck. I cried in my car for about 20 minutes after I put the dress in my trunk. But, that was the first and largest hurdle I would have to get over in this process.
From here, everything else seemed pretty simple. I've picked out the rings, we've secured the venue, and I sorta have my hair picked out. From here, I still have flowers, shoes, make-up, and pampering. Oy-vey!
In all seriousness, I am in a strange zen-state right now. I have an amazing support system of friends and family behind me. I truly believe that everything that is crucial for this wedding will fall into place in time. I'm getting to a place where I'm not even nervous anymore.
So, one of my short term goals is to have a fabulous wedding and to marry the dude of my dreams (lol). And I'm almost there. Praises!
**This blog is dedicated to all of the people who have been in my corner through mental breakdowns and all-day errand trips: Rori, Danielle, Jerome, Mommy, Crystal, and above all, my sweetie JML.
Feb 14, 2010
How To: Maintain a Long Distance Relationship
The meaning of Valentine's Day differs depending on who you ask. To some, its a day in the year when you show your love with special gifts and unique activities. To others, its a Hallmark holiday, perpetuated by big business. Now, ask someone like me what Valentine's Day means.
I've been in a long distance relationship for over two years. That's two years of celebrating holidays on a Friday-Saturday-Sunday timeline. That's missing birthdays and major events. That's driving HOURS to spend a couple precious days together. Then there are long stretches of time apart, weeks of not being able to see the face of the person you love. So, to me, a Valentine's Day without my baby is a day when I am confronted with the fact that most people can be with the one they love and I can't. Not by choice, but by circumstance.
But all is not lost. Thank God for options like the phone and email. Without them, I don't know where I'd be. So that brings me to the first tip on maintaining a long distance relationship:
#1: Communication is the Ultimate Key!
Communication truly is the key to every healthy relationship. Friends need it, married couples need it, even coworkers need it. But the need for communication is magnified when you can't have a conversation with that person IN PERSON. I have always been a person who wears my emotions on my face. When I'm happy, I smile. When I'm sad, I cry. When I'm angry, my eyebrows scrunch. But you can't see that through text or a telephone. So I've learned how to vocalize my emotions and concerns. No long-distance relationship can last without it. At this point, I have become attune to what emotion corresponds to the sound of my fiance's voice and can react to that. That bond and understanding has brought us to the place we are in today, and I don't know where we'd be without it.
#2. Long distance relationships redefine "commitment"
Being away from your love for long periods of time really f*cks with you. Even if you have no reason to believe they could be cheating on you, you'll imagine a scenario where something like that would happen. You all know the old adage "Out of sight, out of mind"? That goes to an even deeper level under these circumstances. Right now, I live 6 hours away from my hunny. Of course I have thought (on more than one occasion) that something might be going on while I'm up at school. But, in my heart (away from my paranoid mind), I know that I have a man who is committed to me just like I am to him. I couldn't imagine screwing around and I know he could't either. So, another tip for the toolkit is knowing that times will be difficult, but it is the commitment that exists deep down within you that will sustain the truest of love.
#3. Missing them is normal
It is impossible to love someone and expect to be strong all the time. When your love is out of reach, times will come when the loneliness is all consuming. You'll get anxious; your throat will close up; you'll get angry and frustrated. Believe me, that's all normal and I'd be concerned if you never felt that way. It is necessary to feel like you miss that person and let that emotion sink it. That's really a sign that there is something genuine to the relationship. I had a difficult time comprehending that for a long time. Miss Toni Jones is not one for lots of emotion and damn sure ain't one for tears. But I'm not too proud to say that, on nights like Valentine's Day when I have to fall asleep by myself, I graciously let a couple drip-drops fall. For me, that just reinforces how determined I am to get through my responsibilities so I can be with my hunny. So go for it, let that emotion out. Don't try to be strong, because there really is no one you're being strong for.
Hopefully my musings reach someone out there. I know I'm not the only person spending this holiday of love alone out of circumstance. And I also know that a couple of these tips resonate across the spectrum of relationships. Communication, commitment, and the ability to show emotion will strengthen any bond.
So, this one goes out to all my friends and, especially to my sweetie Jenon. Keep doin' ya thing babe. Mami will be home soon.
I've been in a long distance relationship for over two years. That's two years of celebrating holidays on a Friday-Saturday-Sunday timeline. That's missing birthdays and major events. That's driving HOURS to spend a couple precious days together. Then there are long stretches of time apart, weeks of not being able to see the face of the person you love. So, to me, a Valentine's Day without my baby is a day when I am confronted with the fact that most people can be with the one they love and I can't. Not by choice, but by circumstance.
But all is not lost. Thank God for options like the phone and email. Without them, I don't know where I'd be. So that brings me to the first tip on maintaining a long distance relationship:
#1: Communication is the Ultimate Key!
Communication truly is the key to every healthy relationship. Friends need it, married couples need it, even coworkers need it. But the need for communication is magnified when you can't have a conversation with that person IN PERSON. I have always been a person who wears my emotions on my face. When I'm happy, I smile. When I'm sad, I cry. When I'm angry, my eyebrows scrunch. But you can't see that through text or a telephone. So I've learned how to vocalize my emotions and concerns. No long-distance relationship can last without it. At this point, I have become attune to what emotion corresponds to the sound of my fiance's voice and can react to that. That bond and understanding has brought us to the place we are in today, and I don't know where we'd be without it.
#2. Long distance relationships redefine "commitment"
Being away from your love for long periods of time really f*cks with you. Even if you have no reason to believe they could be cheating on you, you'll imagine a scenario where something like that would happen. You all know the old adage "Out of sight, out of mind"? That goes to an even deeper level under these circumstances. Right now, I live 6 hours away from my hunny. Of course I have thought (on more than one occasion) that something might be going on while I'm up at school. But, in my heart (away from my paranoid mind), I know that I have a man who is committed to me just like I am to him. I couldn't imagine screwing around and I know he could't either. So, another tip for the toolkit is knowing that times will be difficult, but it is the commitment that exists deep down within you that will sustain the truest of love.
#3. Missing them is normal
It is impossible to love someone and expect to be strong all the time. When your love is out of reach, times will come when the loneliness is all consuming. You'll get anxious; your throat will close up; you'll get angry and frustrated. Believe me, that's all normal and I'd be concerned if you never felt that way. It is necessary to feel like you miss that person and let that emotion sink it. That's really a sign that there is something genuine to the relationship. I had a difficult time comprehending that for a long time. Miss Toni Jones is not one for lots of emotion and damn sure ain't one for tears. But I'm not too proud to say that, on nights like Valentine's Day when I have to fall asleep by myself, I graciously let a couple drip-drops fall. For me, that just reinforces how determined I am to get through my responsibilities so I can be with my hunny. So go for it, let that emotion out. Don't try to be strong, because there really is no one you're being strong for.
Hopefully my musings reach someone out there. I know I'm not the only person spending this holiday of love alone out of circumstance. And I also know that a couple of these tips resonate across the spectrum of relationships. Communication, commitment, and the ability to show emotion will strengthen any bond.
So, this one goes out to all my friends and, especially to my sweetie Jenon. Keep doin' ya thing babe. Mami will be home soon.
Feb 3, 2010
Once Upon A Time, I Was a Writer
Hello everyone, and sorry for the delay.
Something came into my email today that I just have to share with you.
Back in May of 2007, I was partying it up with my best friend, CK. It was, by far, one of the most memorable summers of my existence. On one of the rare nights when we weren't "hanging out with friends", we convened around my kitchen counter and decided to write a story. We spend HOURS coming up with characters, a plot, an ending, tons of twists and turns. This was supposed to be out masterpiece. Needless to say, I am not a published author. But, the long missing first 7 pages of the book have turned up! Not to toot my own horn, but it seems that I'm a pretty good writer. Its a story I would read. But I'll leave that up to you. For your literary pleasure, please enjoy the beginning of the first chapter of my not-so-novel (caution, some material not suitable for children):
Dimitrius
By Sylivia Jones
Started: May 3, 2007
-One-
The theatrics were over. All of the beautiful people had filed out of Velise’s main hall. Only Otis the janitor remained to clean up the mess. Anyone who celebrated New Year’s with Gabrielle and the rest of Velise knew it was the event to attend. New Halo boasted some of the most lavish parties both big and small. But it was the atmosphere and the networking that could only be witnessed at 104 Winchester Place that drew crowds every year. Just hours ago, tall models were hobnobbing with the rich and married, discussing things not meant for their wives to hear. Every inch of the enormous space was covered in some kind of silver and black material. Bolts of French linens and silks hung from high windows. The booths along the back wall, usually used for brief business meetings, had been transformed into intimate lounge spaces for who knows what. As in years past, the music had fallen to a soft melody and the boisterous crowd had quieted for Gabrielle’s New Year’s Eve speech. Sitting in one of the back booths still sticky from spilled champagne, she giggled to herself. How rehearsed it had all sounded. She closed her eyes and redirected her mind to 11:55pm when she took the podium. Her husband was at her side, looking dapper as ever. At the age of 37, almost ten years her senior, he was just as radiantly disheveled as the day she’d met him. Before she began to speak, he winked at her, just as he always did before these speeches. With a deep breath, Gabrielle put on the smile she’d trained herself to fake at these occasions and addressed her admiring public.
“New Halo, it has been another wonderful year and we’re off to a great start for the next. On behalf of my husband Dimitrius, my entire company, and myself I would like to offer my deepest thanks to those who have made this dream a reality. I really could not have done it without you all. Velise loves New Halo and New Halo has shown love to Velise!”
“Mrs. Velise? Is everything okay?” There was genuine concern behind Otis’ simple question. Gabrielle realized that she was actually talking out loud, giving her speech all over again. By now, she was much more intoxicated than she had hoped to become. Maybe sitting in the back of an empty party with a now empty bottle of champagne was not such a great idea.
“Yes, Otis. I’m fine. Thanks so much for looking after me. Remind me to give you a raise on Monday,” Gabrielle said as eloquently as she could. She sensed her words slurring and her eyes becoming heavy. “Otis, dear, could you get my husband please. I think I’m ready to go home.”
“Yes ma’am.” At this request, Otis shuffled out of the hall in his dingy work uniform that smelled of bleach and cigarettes. He found Dimitrius chatting up a group of Velise hopefuls who had crashed the party. Though fun and attractive, Dimitri found them a bit snobbish and too immature for the agency. Although he would love to party with the young beauties, he knew they would never get the chance to succeed with Gabby. So he did what he always did while playing his wife’s wingman: smile, be courteous, and revive his accent, now rusty since he had been away from England so long. In the middle of telling a thrice-told joke about a man in a canoe, Dimitri felt the signature tap on his shoulder. The simple drumming of the janitor’s fingers on Dimitri’s shoulder said more than words ever could. No matter what time of day or where Dimitri was in the vicinity, the tap always meant that Gabby needed him right away. Every employee at Velise knew about it. While promising to get in touch with the ladies soon and turning on the heels of his perfectly shined Cole Haan shoes, Dimitri reminisced on how excited he used to get from receiving the tap. That was back when the simple things were what mattered in his relationship with his wife. But all that had changed. There was a strain present, like a fly that you swat at constantly but are never rid of. And this was no fault of his wife’s. Albeit her effortless charm that drove Dimitri to stay with Gabby, it was her quick and venomous tongue that had first attracted him to her.
He still remembered the first day he saw her. It was a dreadfully hot summer in New Halo the year Dimitri decided to study abroad. The apartment he’d rented was not nearly as equipped as the advertisement had made it seem. It was when he saw the fifth drop of sweat roll down the defined muscle of his arms that he took to the streets and found himself buried in a textbook outside a local coffeehouse. If you would have asked him, Dimitri would have said that is was one of his worst days. He was thirty years old and had decided to pursue his Ph.D. in medicine in the States. His hair was especially disheveled from sweating during his sleep and the lack of water pressure in his building had deterred him from showering. The results of last night’s partying made it feel like a celebration was still going on between his temples. He couldn’t focus.
He got up from the small table of the outdoor cafe with the intention of getting another iced coffee to help him finish digesting a chapter on proper bedside manner. But he lost all memory when he saw her. She was so beautiful he blinked again and again to confirm that he wasn’t hallucinating from the heat. The Earth’s rotation slowed and everything moved at a snail’s pace. She was crouched down, flowing auburn hair lying gracefully over her shoulders. Her flawless legs led from a high cut corporate-type black pencil skirt into a pair of traffic-stopping red stilettos. Her stark white Oxford shirt, fitted seamlessly across perky breasts made a halo of light form around the woman. Dimitri breathed in her sweet aroma of flowers mixed with sweat and instantly fell in love. I must have her, is all he could think to himself.
The world regained its normal rate and when everything came back into focus, Dimitri realized that all was not as perfect as he thought. His dream girl actually did not look so dreamy. She was hastily throwing an array of items back into an oversized handbag that looked to be stained with hot chocolate, cursing to herself. Dimitri bent down to help her. “Do you need some help, miss? It looks like you’ve dropped an entire drug store onto the floor here,” Dimitri said sweetly. But his attempt at humor was quickly rejected by the words that escaped the mouth of his angel.
“Oh, I should be so pleased as to accept some help from the man who knocked my bag out of my hand. Thanks a lot. You have no idea how much of a rush I’m in. My boss will kill me if I’m late to the office again. Congratulations, mister. You have officially ruined my day,” she snapped. Humiliated but not put off, Dimitri helped her with the rest of her things. While she muttered on about some coffee drinks she had to reorder and the blouse that would need dry cleaning, Dimitri continued to take in this creature. It seemed that her annoyance with him only made him more determined. He picked up a stained piece of paper with drink orders he couldn’t even read and handed them to the woman.
“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m just in such a haze today. I have this huge test tomorrow and I haven’t had any time to study. The ladies of New Halo really know how to wear a man down, right?” Dimitri tried. He had to soften her up. He hadn’t encountered an American woman that didn’t love his accent during his entire visit. But Gabrielle was unfazed.
“Well, if you’re so busy, it would suit you right to just keep on studying. You trying to help me right now is really putting me behind. I have to leave. I have to go get Mitzy’s things. I really need to keep moving.” Gabrielle’s gaze trailed off and her frantic cleaning transformed into a sort of trance. Dimitri was stunned and bemused by what was happening before him. He closed his eyes to blink once more and as he opened then, he saw mascara-stained tears running down the woman’s face. His first instinct was to hold her. He forgave the make up stains that would inevitably be on his shirt and did not concern himself with the scene they were making outside the coffeehouse. Dimitri let the force behind Gabrielle’s frustrated outburst of sadness release itself within his arms. She did not fight his embrace. It all felt natural.
Once she stopped sobbing, he invited her to his apartment to wash up and they made fervent love on the futon Dimitri called his bed. They sipped wine naked in the kitchen while discussing a fantasy world where Gabrielle would be the CEO of a multimillion-dollar talent agency. Gabrielle spoke with the fancy and naivety that made her seem every bit of twenty-one years old. She had never endured the pain that came from dreams getting smashed and hearts being broken. So in his kitchen, sipping cheap wine out of orange tumblers, admiring the rich chocolate colored complexion and voluptuous curves of his newly found princess, Dimitri made a vow within himself to be there every time life knocked Gabrielle backwards. He would be her protector, her shield and her strength. And this is exactly what he said to her six months later when she told him she was pregnant and they got married.
Something came into my email today that I just have to share with you.
Back in May of 2007, I was partying it up with my best friend, CK. It was, by far, one of the most memorable summers of my existence. On one of the rare nights when we weren't "hanging out with friends", we convened around my kitchen counter and decided to write a story. We spend HOURS coming up with characters, a plot, an ending, tons of twists and turns. This was supposed to be out masterpiece. Needless to say, I am not a published author. But, the long missing first 7 pages of the book have turned up! Not to toot my own horn, but it seems that I'm a pretty good writer. Its a story I would read. But I'll leave that up to you. For your literary pleasure, please enjoy the beginning of the first chapter of my not-so-novel (caution, some material not suitable for children):
Dimitrius
By Sylivia Jones
Started: May 3, 2007
-One-
The theatrics were over. All of the beautiful people had filed out of Velise’s main hall. Only Otis the janitor remained to clean up the mess. Anyone who celebrated New Year’s with Gabrielle and the rest of Velise knew it was the event to attend. New Halo boasted some of the most lavish parties both big and small. But it was the atmosphere and the networking that could only be witnessed at 104 Winchester Place that drew crowds every year. Just hours ago, tall models were hobnobbing with the rich and married, discussing things not meant for their wives to hear. Every inch of the enormous space was covered in some kind of silver and black material. Bolts of French linens and silks hung from high windows. The booths along the back wall, usually used for brief business meetings, had been transformed into intimate lounge spaces for who knows what. As in years past, the music had fallen to a soft melody and the boisterous crowd had quieted for Gabrielle’s New Year’s Eve speech. Sitting in one of the back booths still sticky from spilled champagne, she giggled to herself. How rehearsed it had all sounded. She closed her eyes and redirected her mind to 11:55pm when she took the podium. Her husband was at her side, looking dapper as ever. At the age of 37, almost ten years her senior, he was just as radiantly disheveled as the day she’d met him. Before she began to speak, he winked at her, just as he always did before these speeches. With a deep breath, Gabrielle put on the smile she’d trained herself to fake at these occasions and addressed her admiring public.
“New Halo, it has been another wonderful year and we’re off to a great start for the next. On behalf of my husband Dimitrius, my entire company, and myself I would like to offer my deepest thanks to those who have made this dream a reality. I really could not have done it without you all. Velise loves New Halo and New Halo has shown love to Velise!”
“Mrs. Velise? Is everything okay?” There was genuine concern behind Otis’ simple question. Gabrielle realized that she was actually talking out loud, giving her speech all over again. By now, she was much more intoxicated than she had hoped to become. Maybe sitting in the back of an empty party with a now empty bottle of champagne was not such a great idea.
“Yes, Otis. I’m fine. Thanks so much for looking after me. Remind me to give you a raise on Monday,” Gabrielle said as eloquently as she could. She sensed her words slurring and her eyes becoming heavy. “Otis, dear, could you get my husband please. I think I’m ready to go home.”
“Yes ma’am.” At this request, Otis shuffled out of the hall in his dingy work uniform that smelled of bleach and cigarettes. He found Dimitrius chatting up a group of Velise hopefuls who had crashed the party. Though fun and attractive, Dimitri found them a bit snobbish and too immature for the agency. Although he would love to party with the young beauties, he knew they would never get the chance to succeed with Gabby. So he did what he always did while playing his wife’s wingman: smile, be courteous, and revive his accent, now rusty since he had been away from England so long. In the middle of telling a thrice-told joke about a man in a canoe, Dimitri felt the signature tap on his shoulder. The simple drumming of the janitor’s fingers on Dimitri’s shoulder said more than words ever could. No matter what time of day or where Dimitri was in the vicinity, the tap always meant that Gabby needed him right away. Every employee at Velise knew about it. While promising to get in touch with the ladies soon and turning on the heels of his perfectly shined Cole Haan shoes, Dimitri reminisced on how excited he used to get from receiving the tap. That was back when the simple things were what mattered in his relationship with his wife. But all that had changed. There was a strain present, like a fly that you swat at constantly but are never rid of. And this was no fault of his wife’s. Albeit her effortless charm that drove Dimitri to stay with Gabby, it was her quick and venomous tongue that had first attracted him to her.
He still remembered the first day he saw her. It was a dreadfully hot summer in New Halo the year Dimitri decided to study abroad. The apartment he’d rented was not nearly as equipped as the advertisement had made it seem. It was when he saw the fifth drop of sweat roll down the defined muscle of his arms that he took to the streets and found himself buried in a textbook outside a local coffeehouse. If you would have asked him, Dimitri would have said that is was one of his worst days. He was thirty years old and had decided to pursue his Ph.D. in medicine in the States. His hair was especially disheveled from sweating during his sleep and the lack of water pressure in his building had deterred him from showering. The results of last night’s partying made it feel like a celebration was still going on between his temples. He couldn’t focus.
He got up from the small table of the outdoor cafe with the intention of getting another iced coffee to help him finish digesting a chapter on proper bedside manner. But he lost all memory when he saw her. She was so beautiful he blinked again and again to confirm that he wasn’t hallucinating from the heat. The Earth’s rotation slowed and everything moved at a snail’s pace. She was crouched down, flowing auburn hair lying gracefully over her shoulders. Her flawless legs led from a high cut corporate-type black pencil skirt into a pair of traffic-stopping red stilettos. Her stark white Oxford shirt, fitted seamlessly across perky breasts made a halo of light form around the woman. Dimitri breathed in her sweet aroma of flowers mixed with sweat and instantly fell in love. I must have her, is all he could think to himself.
The world regained its normal rate and when everything came back into focus, Dimitri realized that all was not as perfect as he thought. His dream girl actually did not look so dreamy. She was hastily throwing an array of items back into an oversized handbag that looked to be stained with hot chocolate, cursing to herself. Dimitri bent down to help her. “Do you need some help, miss? It looks like you’ve dropped an entire drug store onto the floor here,” Dimitri said sweetly. But his attempt at humor was quickly rejected by the words that escaped the mouth of his angel.
“Oh, I should be so pleased as to accept some help from the man who knocked my bag out of my hand. Thanks a lot. You have no idea how much of a rush I’m in. My boss will kill me if I’m late to the office again. Congratulations, mister. You have officially ruined my day,” she snapped. Humiliated but not put off, Dimitri helped her with the rest of her things. While she muttered on about some coffee drinks she had to reorder and the blouse that would need dry cleaning, Dimitri continued to take in this creature. It seemed that her annoyance with him only made him more determined. He picked up a stained piece of paper with drink orders he couldn’t even read and handed them to the woman.
“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m just in such a haze today. I have this huge test tomorrow and I haven’t had any time to study. The ladies of New Halo really know how to wear a man down, right?” Dimitri tried. He had to soften her up. He hadn’t encountered an American woman that didn’t love his accent during his entire visit. But Gabrielle was unfazed.
“Well, if you’re so busy, it would suit you right to just keep on studying. You trying to help me right now is really putting me behind. I have to leave. I have to go get Mitzy’s things. I really need to keep moving.” Gabrielle’s gaze trailed off and her frantic cleaning transformed into a sort of trance. Dimitri was stunned and bemused by what was happening before him. He closed his eyes to blink once more and as he opened then, he saw mascara-stained tears running down the woman’s face. His first instinct was to hold her. He forgave the make up stains that would inevitably be on his shirt and did not concern himself with the scene they were making outside the coffeehouse. Dimitri let the force behind Gabrielle’s frustrated outburst of sadness release itself within his arms. She did not fight his embrace. It all felt natural.
Once she stopped sobbing, he invited her to his apartment to wash up and they made fervent love on the futon Dimitri called his bed. They sipped wine naked in the kitchen while discussing a fantasy world where Gabrielle would be the CEO of a multimillion-dollar talent agency. Gabrielle spoke with the fancy and naivety that made her seem every bit of twenty-one years old. She had never endured the pain that came from dreams getting smashed and hearts being broken. So in his kitchen, sipping cheap wine out of orange tumblers, admiring the rich chocolate colored complexion and voluptuous curves of his newly found princess, Dimitri made a vow within himself to be there every time life knocked Gabrielle backwards. He would be her protector, her shield and her strength. And this is exactly what he said to her six months later when she told him she was pregnant and they got married.
Jan 23, 2010
A Break From the Norm
First and foremost, I would like to send a special shout out to my blog-stalkers. While you don't really leave comments, I appreciate that you check out my random thoughts. Now that I know I have somewhat of an audience, I'll be back on my sh*t more often.
For this post, I would like to take a little break from the norm. I do a lot of writing about relationships and how I'm feeling some kinda way about all the changes that are taking place in my life. But, since its on my mind, I wanna take some time to speak on a topic I'm sure everyone knows very well: Lame Ass Parties!!!
Let me paint the picture for you: Its a Friday night. I made plans to hang out with S and K for the evening. It started with a little sippy sippy at the spot. Then we all piled in the car and went to a hockey game. Now... before you get all "WTF, Toni goes to hockey games??", let me rationalize it by saying that there were dollar beers and dollar hotdogs. Four beers and two dogs later, I'm feelin quite right. Our team didn't win, but I could care less either way. By the beginning of the third period, we've all decided that we're gonna get more drinks, and hang back at S and K's house. Our good friend N decides she's gonna come over too, and she's planning to bring friends. So far, it sounds like its gonna be a blast.
So, we get drinks, N comes over with two friends, and we're all chillin in the living room, making OK conversation and listening to music. Little did I know, its all downhill from there. I don't have too much issue with folks smokin (weed) around me, so the three of them (N and her friends) light up. Unlike prior experiences, they don't start crackin jokes and being fun. Instead, they all sit around the table, being really quiet and lame. S, K, and I are sippin our stuff and lookin at each other like "Why did they even come over here?" Don't get me wrong. I was really looking forward to in N coming over. I hadn't seen her in a while. But this was just ridiculous. To no surprise, the three of them left soon after. The leftover party just kept talking about how awkward that was and proceeded with the night.
Ok, ok, I know you have all been to a lame party. Either some people weren't drinking enough or the music wasn't loud enough. Whatever the case may be, the whole situation makes everyone in the room feel weird. What can you possibly do when no one's talking but there really isn't anything to say? For it to be a Friday night, I would assume that things would be joyous and upbeat, but that was just too wack for my taste.
Either way, I must say K and S are my saving grace. I had a blast at the hockey game. Also, pre- and post- the others dropping by, the conversation was light and fun. I suppose, for the next time, I'll be a little more considerate as to what I'm getting into.
As a final note, I would like to mention that I take topic requests. I do have a lot of opinions, and this seems like the best place to voice them. So, speak up. Pick my brain. And let's have some damn fun here, people!!!
For this post, I would like to take a little break from the norm. I do a lot of writing about relationships and how I'm feeling some kinda way about all the changes that are taking place in my life. But, since its on my mind, I wanna take some time to speak on a topic I'm sure everyone knows very well: Lame Ass Parties!!!
Let me paint the picture for you: Its a Friday night. I made plans to hang out with S and K for the evening. It started with a little sippy sippy at the spot. Then we all piled in the car and went to a hockey game. Now... before you get all "WTF, Toni goes to hockey games??", let me rationalize it by saying that there were dollar beers and dollar hotdogs. Four beers and two dogs later, I'm feelin quite right. Our team didn't win, but I could care less either way. By the beginning of the third period, we've all decided that we're gonna get more drinks, and hang back at S and K's house. Our good friend N decides she's gonna come over too, and she's planning to bring friends. So far, it sounds like its gonna be a blast.
So, we get drinks, N comes over with two friends, and we're all chillin in the living room, making OK conversation and listening to music. Little did I know, its all downhill from there. I don't have too much issue with folks smokin (weed) around me, so the three of them (N and her friends) light up. Unlike prior experiences, they don't start crackin jokes and being fun. Instead, they all sit around the table, being really quiet and lame. S, K, and I are sippin our stuff and lookin at each other like "Why did they even come over here?" Don't get me wrong. I was really looking forward to in N coming over. I hadn't seen her in a while. But this was just ridiculous. To no surprise, the three of them left soon after. The leftover party just kept talking about how awkward that was and proceeded with the night.
Ok, ok, I know you have all been to a lame party. Either some people weren't drinking enough or the music wasn't loud enough. Whatever the case may be, the whole situation makes everyone in the room feel weird. What can you possibly do when no one's talking but there really isn't anything to say? For it to be a Friday night, I would assume that things would be joyous and upbeat, but that was just too wack for my taste.
Either way, I must say K and S are my saving grace. I had a blast at the hockey game. Also, pre- and post- the others dropping by, the conversation was light and fun. I suppose, for the next time, I'll be a little more considerate as to what I'm getting into.
As a final note, I would like to mention that I take topic requests. I do have a lot of opinions, and this seems like the best place to voice them. So, speak up. Pick my brain. And let's have some damn fun here, people!!!
Jan 21, 2010
Time to Catch Up
It was brought to my attention that I haven't posted in almost two weeks. Utterly unacceptable. My apologies, and I will try to not let it happen again :-)
I feel bad that I haven't posted in so long because I have recently returned from a monumental trip. Over the past weekend, I spent five days getting to know the city of Columbus, OH as well as getting acquainted with the new place I share with my soon-to-be husband. What an experience it was.
Besides the obvious furniture and electronics shopping, we did a lot of eating, sleeping, and drinking. These are all normal bonding experiences shared by people in various stages of the relationship lifespan. But what I've come to realize is that there are milestones, realms of consciousness that surface when you are further along in a relationship than when things are just starting out. I have different priorities and goals now that I am embarking on marriage. In the early stages of dating my fiancée, I was focused on partying constantly, getting to know the menial details of each other's life just to say "I know you". Now, it seems that I dwell on details in behavior, using them to deduce what lies ahead of me.
To some, I might be over thinking the situation. But to others, I might just be thorough. To each, I say challenge yourself. Take some time and look at your relationship. Consciously consider what things your mate does that make you hopeful for the future and what makes you a little uneasy. Depending on where you are in your relationship, the lists may be equally long. But DON'T DESPAIR! While I'm no licensed psychologist, I can say from experience that is it the Hopeful list that will have more bearing on your future (if you really want to be with that person, that is...).
As W-Day draws near, I feel myself becoming more mature day by day. I've been thinking about cutting my hair into a more adult style, changing my wardrobe to reflect a more professional me, and even trying out new make-up to control the perception people will have of me. In a little over six weeks (OH MY GOD!!) I will no longer be just a college student or just a graduate assistant. I will be a wife. And I'm still working on what exactly that means to me. Contrary to some advice that I've been getting, I expect that marriage will change me. It will change my outlook, my expectations, my responsibilities. *sigh* Yea, all of that.
This past weekend was only a glimpse of what I will have to look forward to (and put up with, lol) for the rest of my life. And, honestly, I'm ok with that.
I feel bad that I haven't posted in so long because I have recently returned from a monumental trip. Over the past weekend, I spent five days getting to know the city of Columbus, OH as well as getting acquainted with the new place I share with my soon-to-be husband. What an experience it was.
Besides the obvious furniture and electronics shopping, we did a lot of eating, sleeping, and drinking. These are all normal bonding experiences shared by people in various stages of the relationship lifespan. But what I've come to realize is that there are milestones, realms of consciousness that surface when you are further along in a relationship than when things are just starting out. I have different priorities and goals now that I am embarking on marriage. In the early stages of dating my fiancée, I was focused on partying constantly, getting to know the menial details of each other's life just to say "I know you". Now, it seems that I dwell on details in behavior, using them to deduce what lies ahead of me.
To some, I might be over thinking the situation. But to others, I might just be thorough. To each, I say challenge yourself. Take some time and look at your relationship. Consciously consider what things your mate does that make you hopeful for the future and what makes you a little uneasy. Depending on where you are in your relationship, the lists may be equally long. But DON'T DESPAIR! While I'm no licensed psychologist, I can say from experience that is it the Hopeful list that will have more bearing on your future (if you really want to be with that person, that is...).
As W-Day draws near, I feel myself becoming more mature day by day. I've been thinking about cutting my hair into a more adult style, changing my wardrobe to reflect a more professional me, and even trying out new make-up to control the perception people will have of me. In a little over six weeks (OH MY GOD!!) I will no longer be just a college student or just a graduate assistant. I will be a wife. And I'm still working on what exactly that means to me. Contrary to some advice that I've been getting, I expect that marriage will change me. It will change my outlook, my expectations, my responsibilities. *sigh* Yea, all of that.
This past weekend was only a glimpse of what I will have to look forward to (and put up with, lol) for the rest of my life. And, honestly, I'm ok with that.
Jan 8, 2010
Bittersweet Transitions
My holiday break is coming to a screeching halt. Like a dumbass, I checked my email today and saw that I was behind on a few key projects (from work, school, and extracurricular activities). Nevertheless, I am still inclined to save all important work for Monday. Inside, I'm still trying to understand why I reserve my free time for selfish, self fulfilling tasks (like reading popular fiction and sleeping) when I could be getting some meaningful work done. The only excuse I can come up with is that I am a trained procrastinator.
Procrastination is not exclusively a trait of full-time college students. I believe that it applies to anyone who doesn't mind playing hard first and working hard second. Of course, all the work will eventually get done, and it will be high quality. Yet, when it comes to actually hunkering down and getting sh*t done, the 9th inning is the most active. My computer will be on 24/7, my current novel (Breakdown Lane) will begin to collect dust, and I will iron all my khakis in anticipation for the work week. For now, while I still have three full days of freedom, I will do what I want.
It does say a lot about the typical full-time student, though. Here's a portrait of my life right now: I live in my car. The floors are littered with forgotten laundry, Aunt Annie's lemonade cups, and last semester's binders. My room is perpetually messy; when I pick up one piece of clothing, ten appear in its place. I eat poorly; today's only meal consisted of a slice of wheat toast with Nutella and a mug of orange spice decaff tea. I spent last night at a beer bar with my roommate, enjoying folk music and drinking Lil' Froot. I've breezed through three novels since returning from home, and the highlight of the week has been my daily showers (always therapeutic). All this is to say that, if the semester has not started, I have not started. Apparently contrary to my last posts, I am still not back into full grin-mode and likely will not be until Monday.
Forgiving the self-depreciation, I am happy with the way the rest of my holiday break is winding down. My to-do list for the beginning of the semester is long and complex, but still doable. I am in the process of re-connecting with the friends I've neglected over the last few weeks as well. While on the outside I am padding around my apartment with a book in one hand and a water bottle in the other, my mind is racing a mile a minute, thinking about all that this semester will bring (planning a conference, getting married, graduating, moving out of Grand Rapids, etc.). In a nutshell, I am preparing myself for the biggest (and most bittersweet) transition of my life.
I have been a student for the last 18 years. While my accomplishments have been grand and personally fulfilling, I feel I am beginning to burn myself out. I am quietly nurturing an envy for those privileged few who take the time to "find themselves" after college, backpacking across foreign lands or just taking some "time off". This is not to say that I don't look forward to all that graduated life has to offer, but it does mean that I would like some time to slow it all down, focus on understanding myself more, and bs'ing like I have for the last three weeks.
This semester's mantra: Change is good.
Procrastination is not exclusively a trait of full-time college students. I believe that it applies to anyone who doesn't mind playing hard first and working hard second. Of course, all the work will eventually get done, and it will be high quality. Yet, when it comes to actually hunkering down and getting sh*t done, the 9th inning is the most active. My computer will be on 24/7, my current novel (Breakdown Lane) will begin to collect dust, and I will iron all my khakis in anticipation for the work week. For now, while I still have three full days of freedom, I will do what I want.
It does say a lot about the typical full-time student, though. Here's a portrait of my life right now: I live in my car. The floors are littered with forgotten laundry, Aunt Annie's lemonade cups, and last semester's binders. My room is perpetually messy; when I pick up one piece of clothing, ten appear in its place. I eat poorly; today's only meal consisted of a slice of wheat toast with Nutella and a mug of orange spice decaff tea. I spent last night at a beer bar with my roommate, enjoying folk music and drinking Lil' Froot. I've breezed through three novels since returning from home, and the highlight of the week has been my daily showers (always therapeutic). All this is to say that, if the semester has not started, I have not started. Apparently contrary to my last posts, I am still not back into full grin-mode and likely will not be until Monday.
Forgiving the self-depreciation, I am happy with the way the rest of my holiday break is winding down. My to-do list for the beginning of the semester is long and complex, but still doable. I am in the process of re-connecting with the friends I've neglected over the last few weeks as well. While on the outside I am padding around my apartment with a book in one hand and a water bottle in the other, my mind is racing a mile a minute, thinking about all that this semester will bring (planning a conference, getting married, graduating, moving out of Grand Rapids, etc.). In a nutshell, I am preparing myself for the biggest (and most bittersweet) transition of my life.
I have been a student for the last 18 years. While my accomplishments have been grand and personally fulfilling, I feel I am beginning to burn myself out. I am quietly nurturing an envy for those privileged few who take the time to "find themselves" after college, backpacking across foreign lands or just taking some "time off". This is not to say that I don't look forward to all that graduated life has to offer, but it does mean that I would like some time to slow it all down, focus on understanding myself more, and bs'ing like I have for the last three weeks.
This semester's mantra: Change is good.
Jan 4, 2010
Back on the Grind
Its the Monday before I have to head back to university, Grand Valley State University, to be exact. When I head back there on Tuesday night, I will be halfway back into my grind-mode mindset. Any college kid can attest to the fact that you have to get mentally prepared to re-enter the classroom after being away for three weeks. Its not as harsh as the three months of summer we endure after a full school year; its more like a watered down version.
The first step starts at home. Like most students, I (purposefully) haven't checked my email since the last day of finals. So, today I spent about two hours returning messages, apologizing about the loooooong delay. Most replies required looking at old paperwork and sifting through ancient emails. For some, I simply said "I don't recall what you mean. Can you remind me?" I do feel a bit bad about those. But, after it was all said and done, I had caught up enough to make it to the next step of getting back into grind-mode.
After updating all necessary correspondence, it is important to make an inventory of everything that needs to be done before the first day of classes. For me, I have a work function on Wednesday, I need to contact a nonprofit in Grand Rapids about a future school project, and I need to touch base with a professor about a paper I'm getting published. The list goes on and on. All these important tasks will make their way onto a list in order of importance. But don't get it confused: my vacation does not end until my work function on Wednesday so NOTHING will get done before then.
The last, and most depressing, step of the transition to grind-mode is actually getting ready to head back to my apartment in GR. That will include washing all the clothes I wore this week, packing everything neatly in the car, and making the 2 hour drive (alone, without a working radio). I am looking forward to this series of events the least. Visiting my friends and family back home is in the top 5 of My Favorite Things to Do, and leaving them all is wayyyyyy at the bottom. Suffice it to say that I will be dragging my feet to leave. But that will all be over once I turn the key to my apartment, put all my clean laundry back on hangers, and power up my laptop. At that point, I will officially be a student again.
I've been in college for about 5.5 years now, have obtained one degree already, and I'm working on my second now. Because of these things, I would call myself somewhat of an expert. I've been through my share of 15 credit semesters, final's week cram sessions, and overpriced coffee (that I've been programmed to think is good). Don't get me wrong: I love college. Short of actually having to go to class, I would stay there forever. But nothing beats the opportunity to eat something I didn't have to cook or pay for. In most cases, that only happens when I go home. The short lived visits (on average, about 3 days) are truly mini-vacations. There have even been instances when I leave my entire backpack in GR just to completely appreciate all that home has to offer.
When classes start again next Monday, this entire visit will feel like a dream. I'll be heading back to GR with some new diggs from Christmas and an extra couple pounds from Grandma's holiday cooking. These will be the only things I will have to remind me of the amazing holiday season I had this year.
Alas, there is nothing to despair about it all. The crucial series of events that will soon make me an Ohio resident is already in motion. The next four months will likely be a blur of computer screens and lectures. And I will trudge through them like I have the last 15 semesters at GVSU. And when its all over, and I drive away from Grand Rapids for the last time, I will surely remember all that college revealed to me.
The Toni that entered college in 2004 now exists only in photos. The Toni that will graduate in May 2010 will be a better, stronger, and happier woman.
The first step starts at home. Like most students, I (purposefully) haven't checked my email since the last day of finals. So, today I spent about two hours returning messages, apologizing about the loooooong delay. Most replies required looking at old paperwork and sifting through ancient emails. For some, I simply said "I don't recall what you mean. Can you remind me?" I do feel a bit bad about those. But, after it was all said and done, I had caught up enough to make it to the next step of getting back into grind-mode.
After updating all necessary correspondence, it is important to make an inventory of everything that needs to be done before the first day of classes. For me, I have a work function on Wednesday, I need to contact a nonprofit in Grand Rapids about a future school project, and I need to touch base with a professor about a paper I'm getting published. The list goes on and on. All these important tasks will make their way onto a list in order of importance. But don't get it confused: my vacation does not end until my work function on Wednesday so NOTHING will get done before then.
The last, and most depressing, step of the transition to grind-mode is actually getting ready to head back to my apartment in GR. That will include washing all the clothes I wore this week, packing everything neatly in the car, and making the 2 hour drive (alone, without a working radio). I am looking forward to this series of events the least. Visiting my friends and family back home is in the top 5 of My Favorite Things to Do, and leaving them all is wayyyyyy at the bottom. Suffice it to say that I will be dragging my feet to leave. But that will all be over once I turn the key to my apartment, put all my clean laundry back on hangers, and power up my laptop. At that point, I will officially be a student again.
I've been in college for about 5.5 years now, have obtained one degree already, and I'm working on my second now. Because of these things, I would call myself somewhat of an expert. I've been through my share of 15 credit semesters, final's week cram sessions, and overpriced coffee (that I've been programmed to think is good). Don't get me wrong: I love college. Short of actually having to go to class, I would stay there forever. But nothing beats the opportunity to eat something I didn't have to cook or pay for. In most cases, that only happens when I go home. The short lived visits (on average, about 3 days) are truly mini-vacations. There have even been instances when I leave my entire backpack in GR just to completely appreciate all that home has to offer.
When classes start again next Monday, this entire visit will feel like a dream. I'll be heading back to GR with some new diggs from Christmas and an extra couple pounds from Grandma's holiday cooking. These will be the only things I will have to remind me of the amazing holiday season I had this year.
Alas, there is nothing to despair about it all. The crucial series of events that will soon make me an Ohio resident is already in motion. The next four months will likely be a blur of computer screens and lectures. And I will trudge through them like I have the last 15 semesters at GVSU. And when its all over, and I drive away from Grand Rapids for the last time, I will surely remember all that college revealed to me.
The Toni that entered college in 2004 now exists only in photos. The Toni that will graduate in May 2010 will be a better, stronger, and happier woman.
Jan 2, 2010
Happy New Year
Starting (or rather, re-starting) a blog on New Year's day is probably not the most original idea anyone has had lately. But it makes sense to start something fresh. Besides, paper journals aren't working so well for me anymore.
The new year marks a time when we can look back on the last 365 days and count our blessings as well as our f-ups. We have the opportunity to examine what went well and what was wholly sour. And for some odd reason, we feel the need to sum up all that happened in those 12 months in one word. For Miss Toni Jones, 2009 was "fabulous".
**Que swirly screen indicating flashback mode**
January: I work at a job I don't much care for. I am a graduate student at a medium sized university in a mid-western town, just beginning the second semester of my first year. I am also the girlfriend of a great guy who is just beginning a 6 month internship in a different mid-western town, a 6 hour drive away. And live in an overpriced apartment with three other girls who are pretty cool. The list of pros and cons there is about even, so I am teetering between shooting up or falling drastically down.
April: The full school year is winding down and now I have summer classes to look forward to. Things with Boyfriend are going well. Valentine's Day was especially fruitful :-) We've been having the engagement conversation a lot more. Although we've only been together about a year and a half, the circumstances make conversations like that completely appropriate. By this time, I am gossiping to my friends about how he and I had been ring shopping and I am practically pissing myself, waiting for him to pop the question.
July: Summer classes are going as well as can be expected. Nothing to get too excited about. I did get a car though. Good ol' faithful Ford Taurus to shuffle myself around in. My birthday, back in June, was a good time. There's really nothing wrong with turning 23. I have been working at a major retail bookstore for a couple months now, as well. The pay is awful but the discount is amazing. The people are pretty cool too. The major thing to get excited about: Boyfriend is back from his internship and... HE POPPED THE QUESTION! Yes, "Boyfriend" is now "Fiance" and I couldn't be more elated. The reviews are mostly positive and there is an immense amount of bling flashing going on. All to the good. To celebrate the engagement, we spend the 4th of July holiday in Chicago and have a blast.
September: The summer is just about over. My classes went well and I found out I got a new graduate assistant job working at my school. It is actually the one I wanted from last year, so I'm pumped to have it. I also got into a fantastic apartment with two great girls with lower rent in a better part of the downtown area. Fiance and I are going through the average amount of talk-uments a couple goes through when in a long distance relationship. Although he is only 1 hour away instead of 6, the distance is still unbearable. So we bicker. Ah well :-) The date of the wedding has changed about 50 times now, and I'm getting buried under my wedding planning books (plural).
December: Fast-forward though all the drama of the last few months. Here are the major bullet points: Fiance got the great-paying job he wanted at the internship he did earlier this year, he'll be moving back to the city in early January; we've found our dream first apartment (which is actually a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhome) and got a great deal on it; we've moved some things around for the wedding to accommodate an earlier date; and I'm now focused on getting the rest of this last semester done so I can relax for a while. Graduation day, May 1, 2010, will be a great day for me.
**Que swirly screen indicating a return from the flashback**
So, that was 2009. Great procession, right? Full of drama and excitement.
At a more magnified level, 2009 did have its unpleasant parts. Issues with friends, family, and most of all, Fiance, put a damper on some sunny days. But I tuckered through it, like most people did in 2009. What I do hope though, is that 2010 will be obviously distinguishable from 2009. As the years of my life add up, I want to be able to appreciate monumental differences each one brings. I want to make sure I have plans and expectations for what the new year will be. If you truly consider it, calling them "new year's resolutions" is the most appropriate title, but really think about the phrase, minus the cliche and negative connotation. This year, I took the time to decide what I want to change in my life, beginning in 2010, as well as what goals I plan to accomplish before I see another ball drop. When I flip the calendar from month to month in 2010, I see nothing but opportunity laid out for me, and I plan to embrace it will purpose.
2010 will not be just another year.
The new year marks a time when we can look back on the last 365 days and count our blessings as well as our f-ups. We have the opportunity to examine what went well and what was wholly sour. And for some odd reason, we feel the need to sum up all that happened in those 12 months in one word. For Miss Toni Jones, 2009 was "fabulous".
**Que swirly screen indicating flashback mode**
January: I work at a job I don't much care for. I am a graduate student at a medium sized university in a mid-western town, just beginning the second semester of my first year. I am also the girlfriend of a great guy who is just beginning a 6 month internship in a different mid-western town, a 6 hour drive away. And live in an overpriced apartment with three other girls who are pretty cool. The list of pros and cons there is about even, so I am teetering between shooting up or falling drastically down.
April: The full school year is winding down and now I have summer classes to look forward to. Things with Boyfriend are going well. Valentine's Day was especially fruitful :-) We've been having the engagement conversation a lot more. Although we've only been together about a year and a half, the circumstances make conversations like that completely appropriate. By this time, I am gossiping to my friends about how he and I had been ring shopping and I am practically pissing myself, waiting for him to pop the question.
July: Summer classes are going as well as can be expected. Nothing to get too excited about. I did get a car though. Good ol' faithful Ford Taurus to shuffle myself around in. My birthday, back in June, was a good time. There's really nothing wrong with turning 23. I have been working at a major retail bookstore for a couple months now, as well. The pay is awful but the discount is amazing. The people are pretty cool too. The major thing to get excited about: Boyfriend is back from his internship and... HE POPPED THE QUESTION! Yes, "Boyfriend" is now "Fiance" and I couldn't be more elated. The reviews are mostly positive and there is an immense amount of bling flashing going on. All to the good. To celebrate the engagement, we spend the 4th of July holiday in Chicago and have a blast.
September: The summer is just about over. My classes went well and I found out I got a new graduate assistant job working at my school. It is actually the one I wanted from last year, so I'm pumped to have it. I also got into a fantastic apartment with two great girls with lower rent in a better part of the downtown area. Fiance and I are going through the average amount of talk-uments a couple goes through when in a long distance relationship. Although he is only 1 hour away instead of 6, the distance is still unbearable. So we bicker. Ah well :-) The date of the wedding has changed about 50 times now, and I'm getting buried under my wedding planning books (plural).
December: Fast-forward though all the drama of the last few months. Here are the major bullet points: Fiance got the great-paying job he wanted at the internship he did earlier this year, he'll be moving back to the city in early January; we've found our dream first apartment (which is actually a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhome) and got a great deal on it; we've moved some things around for the wedding to accommodate an earlier date; and I'm now focused on getting the rest of this last semester done so I can relax for a while. Graduation day, May 1, 2010, will be a great day for me.
**Que swirly screen indicating a return from the flashback**
So, that was 2009. Great procession, right? Full of drama and excitement.
At a more magnified level, 2009 did have its unpleasant parts. Issues with friends, family, and most of all, Fiance, put a damper on some sunny days. But I tuckered through it, like most people did in 2009. What I do hope though, is that 2010 will be obviously distinguishable from 2009. As the years of my life add up, I want to be able to appreciate monumental differences each one brings. I want to make sure I have plans and expectations for what the new year will be. If you truly consider it, calling them "new year's resolutions" is the most appropriate title, but really think about the phrase, minus the cliche and negative connotation. This year, I took the time to decide what I want to change in my life, beginning in 2010, as well as what goals I plan to accomplish before I see another ball drop. When I flip the calendar from month to month in 2010, I see nothing but opportunity laid out for me, and I plan to embrace it will purpose.
2010 will not be just another year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
