Bittersweet Transitions

My holiday break is coming to a screeching halt. Like a dumbass, I checked my email today and saw that I was behind on a few key projects (from work, school, and extracurricular activities). Nevertheless, I am still inclined to save all important work for Monday. Inside, I'm still trying to understand why I reserve my free time for selfish, self fulfilling tasks (like reading popular fiction and sleeping) when I could be getting some meaningful work done. The only excuse I can come up with is that I am a trained procrastinator.

Procrastination is not exclusively a trait of full-time college students. I believe that it applies to anyone who doesn't mind playing hard first and working hard second. Of course, all the work will eventually get done, and it will be high quality. Yet, when it comes to actually hunkering down and getting sh*t done, the 9th inning is the most active. My computer will be on 24/7, my current novel (Breakdown Lane) will begin to collect dust, and I will iron all my khakis in anticipation for the work week. For now, while I still have three full days of freedom, I will do what I want.

It does say a lot about the typical full-time student, though. Here's a portrait of my life right now: I live in my car. The floors are littered with forgotten laundry, Aunt Annie's lemonade cups, and last semester's binders. My room is perpetually messy; when I pick up one piece of clothing, ten appear in its place. I eat poorly; today's only meal consisted of a slice of wheat toast with Nutella and a mug of orange spice decaff tea. I spent last night at a beer bar with my roommate, enjoying folk music and drinking Lil' Froot. I've breezed through three novels since returning from home, and the highlight of the week has been my daily showers (always therapeutic). All this is to say that, if the semester has not started, I have not started. Apparently contrary to my last posts, I am still not back into full grin-mode and likely will not be until Monday.

Forgiving the self-depreciation, I am happy with the way the rest of my holiday break is winding down. My to-do list for the beginning of the semester is long and complex, but still doable. I am in the process of re-connecting with the friends I've neglected over the last few weeks as well. While on the outside I am padding around my apartment with a book in one hand and a water bottle in the other, my mind is racing a mile a minute, thinking about all that this semester will bring (planning a conference, getting married, graduating, moving out of Grand Rapids, etc.). In a nutshell, I am preparing myself for the biggest (and most bittersweet) transition of my life.

I have been a student for the last 18 years. While my accomplishments have been grand and personally fulfilling, I feel I am beginning to burn myself out. I am quietly nurturing an envy for those privileged few who take the time to "find themselves" after college, backpacking across foreign lands or just taking some "time off". This is not to say that I don't look forward to all that graduated life has to offer, but it does mean that I would like some time to slow it all down, focus on understanding myself more, and bs'ing like I have for the last three weeks.

This semester's mantra: Change is good.